Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
