so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize