I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
