Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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