his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
