On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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