My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
