I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
