I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
