I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
