he thought i was a dude.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
