In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
