Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
A bitchslap is in order.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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