we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
