I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize