I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
