Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
