A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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