That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize