Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
