I have demons in me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize