how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
