he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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