i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
