the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
