can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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