why im i the only drunk person in the library?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
