I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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