I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
