i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
