Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
