i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
