We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
