Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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