you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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