I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
