After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
