it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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