you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
