guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
