The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
