I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
