so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
