Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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