Got a toothbrush?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
