i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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