Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
