A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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