Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize
