It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
