I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
