do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize