My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
