meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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