I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
