There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
