dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
