Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
