He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
