hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize