Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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