3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
