how can u be prego again
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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