I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
