Will you blow on my dice?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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