see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
