Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
