My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
