We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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