I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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