I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
