let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
