she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
