The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
